The Pain of Rejection - Taichi
by CuteFish
Summary: Taichi thinks about Yamato, then considers his options... (shounen-ai, obviously, and sappy!) Yamato's p.o.v. now up! or something.
1. The Pain of Rejection - Taichi

**Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon. I think that's fairly obvious. **

Warnings: Rated PG for being shounen-ai (more specifically, Taito)... Apparently, some buttholes out there think there is something wrong with true love. Go figure. Oh, and well... I can't help but include Jyoushiro in almost every one of my fics because I just think it's so much fun! 

A/N: It was my friend Mel who said that Yamato was 'the sexiest musician in town'. Aaaaaaaaaaaand... this one's for you, Keri! ^_^ 

** The Pain of Rejection**

**

Taichi

**

He doesn't look very happy. But then again, he hardly ever does. I'm sitting here, looking at him have a conversation with Koushiro. I don't even know what they're talking about. Probably something school related. 

I look over to my right. Sora. She's looking at Yamato, probably as depressed as I am, only she's showing it more, slouching with a pout. It's been two weeks since they broke up, and boy am I ever glad they did. Yamato told me he didn't even like her in a romantic way. He actually admitted it. He tells me a lot of things. We're best friends. That's what best friends do. Tell each other things. But there are a few things that I can't tell him. 

I feel like crap. Just one more class and the school day is finally over. Half the week has already gone by. I look over to my left. There sits Jyou. He came over from his school for the day, which is good since I haven't seen him in a while. But of course we aren't talking. He's too busy looking at Koushiro. I know they like each other. I'm not surprised. And I think they would even make an okay couple, but they're both too cowardly to admit it. They like each other and they won't even do anything about it! It's so frustrating! They're so lucky and they don't even realize it. 

I look over at Yamato again. He turns his head a little and looks at me right in the eyes. They are honestly the most beautiful I've ever seen. It's a blue I've never seen as an eye color... He just kind of smirked at me. He's pretending to listen to Koushiro. That must mean he's talking about computers again... 

I wonder what he's thinking right now. I know what I'm thinking. I love him. I love Ishida Yamato. I have for a long, long time. When you're young, everyone says you don't know what love is. Maybe I didn't, but I knew I felt something, something strong. And I wasn't even scared of what I was feeling. As I got older, I finally realized that I was in love. With him. Not in love with some girl. With him. The most beautiful person I've ever seen. Inside and out. He's got a lot of problems, he's sad and feels empty on the inside. How do I know? He doesn't tell me, but like I said, I'm his best friend. I notice. And I don't want him to be sad. I want him to be happy. That's why I was so happy when he ditched Sora. He was so unhappy. Now he's still sad, but at least he's a little happier that he doesn't have to live a lie. 

You want to know why I love him? I can't really explain it. It's so many things all rolled into one... It isn't only the way he looks... don't get me wrong, the guy is drop-dead gorgeous, but that isn't everything! For one, he cares. He's so sensitive, like he'd break any minute, but he's also very tough. He's the most loyal best friend you could ever want. The best you could ever have. 

Have as a friend, yes. But unfortunately, I want more than that. The idea would sicken people if they knew, I think. The best soccer player in the school in love with the sexiest musician in town. His best friend, even. Someone he could never have... 

I don't think Yamato likes guys. I don't really know how to explain myself. My true self. It's almost like I've never liked anyone but him, and he just happened to be a guy. If I'm gay, so be it, I am. But I doubt that the object of my affection, the one I truly love, feels the same way. See, if I tell him, I risk losing my best friend, no matter how loyal he is now. It's just a feeling I have... I don't think we'd stop being friends, I just think that he'd be a little weirded out and we'd probably lose touch. I mean, that's what usually happens, right? And if I tell him I'm in love with him... I don't even want to think about it. 

Great. I'm practically crying about it, right here, right now, in the middle of the cafeteria, at school, surrounded by my friends. I'm about to break down, like Sora did a few weeks ago. 

But I guess I'll never know until I ask. He could like guys. He could feel the same way. Maybe he does. Maybe it's just wishful thinking, but sometimes he looks at me in a certain way that tells me he cares for me a lot more than regular friends do. There was even a time, a few months ago where I could have sworn he was about to kiss me... and I can imagine us together. It's so great! Everyone around us can feel our love. It'd be the best. Sounds corny, ne? Maybe it'll happen. I'll do everything in my power to protect him and make sure he's safe. I do that now just as his best friend, but if we'd be together, I'd let it show a lot more. 

But we're not together. 

The pain of rejection is much worse than never knowing. That's why I'm keeping my feelings a secret forever. 

~TBC~


	2. The Pain of Rejection - Yamato

**Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon. I think that's fairly obvious. **

Warnings: Rated PG for being shounen-ai (more specifically, Yamachi)... Apparently, some buttholes out there think there is something wrong with true love. Go figure. This part is sappier than Taichi's, I think. Bwah, I don't write sap well! Everything sounds corny. Oh, and well... I can't help but include Jyoushiro in almost every one of my fics because I just think it's so much fun! And Yamato think-swears a bit. ^_^;;; 

A/N: Uh... I got bored and decided to write Yamato's p.o.v. Great, ne? Behold the hypocrisy of it all! I just realized I forgot to mention ages... I don't really know how old they are. Say, grade 11ish? Original version-wise, not in the dub, 'cause they're already that old... And please note that I am not a Sorato fan and I want it to die. 

**

* * *

The Pain of Rejection**

**

Yamato

**

He looks bored. Bored out of his mind. I wonder what he's thinking right now. He just looked at Sora... I think I get it... 

What fun it is to hear Koushiro go on about thermonuclear dynamics. He sounds like Jyou for crying out loud. I wonder when those two'll get together. This whole 'Let's not tell each other how we feel even though it's so obvious we're hot for each other' deal is starting to annoy the shit out of me. Who am I kidding? I'm jealous as hell. Not of Koushiro or Jyou... of what they've got. 

There goes Koushiro again, talking about his computer. Like I care where Bill Gates is taking Microsoft now. I look at Taichi again. He's staring at me. Again. He knows I'm in a crummy mood. I can't help but grin at him. He's so cute... 

I wonder if he knows I'm head-over-heels in love with him. Probably not. If he would, I'm sure he'd freak. Who wants their best male friend to be in love with them? Me, that's who. It's strange; I feel as though we're meant to be. I just love him so much that I can't even see myself with anyone else. Male nor female. Either would be a lie to myself. Which is why I finally broke it off with Sora. I don't know what I was thinking... I guess you could say I love her, but I'm not in love with her. She's like a sister, which is exactly what Taichi said about her. 

I wish I could tell him. I really do. But I'm too damn scared to. I wonder what would happen if I just leapt over the table and kissed him, right here, in the middle of the crowded cafeteria. Maybe he'd punch me in the face. Maybe he'd kiss me back, but I doubt it. Maybe... I don't know what else. 

I'm so confused. How can I be scared of love? I find this much too complicated... I don't know how everyone would react if I came out and told everyone the way I felt for him. I haven't told anyone, and it feels like I'm burning up inside. I wish wasn't so damn cowardly! I wish I was Taichi, he has the Crest of Courage. He isn't scared of anything! Not like I am, anyway. I really admire him... I guess that's part of why I like him so much. In fact, there was this one day not so long ago that I could have sworn he was going to kiss me... I'm so stupid. I actually expected it to happen. It was just... the look in his eyes and stuff. I don't know, maybe I was imagining it. 

I wrote a song for him. How corny is that?! I'm pathetic. I wrote it right after I broke up with Sora. I'm never going to sing it, and I'm never showing it to anyone else. I'm keeping it for myself. I put a lot of thought into it, and worked really hard on it, and I'm quite proud of it, but it's too sappy for me to even read it out loud. 

I think the bell is going to ring soon... one more class and I get to go home and think about how great it would be if Taichi and I were finally together in peace. Maybe even practice that song... Heh, yeah, right. If Taichi managed to hear it somehow, I think I'd die. Not just of embarrassment, but of fear, and a whole bunch of other things I don't want to think about... I don't want my feelings to be heard, and especially not mocked. The risk of rejection is too great and the pain is too much to bear. 

That's why my song will remain unsung, and my love will be unspoken. 

**

~END~

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